Attack of the Munchkins
by epicpickleninja
Summary: Minho and Newt babysit Minho's cousins. I'm sure nothing bad will happen...


A red Mazda screeched to a halt as Newt braked outside his boyfriend's house. He tapped out a quick 'Here' to Minho as he jogged up the driveway.

Newt worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he glanced down fleetingly to the mass of texts Minho sent him. Newt had been at his basketball game and rushed out the exit as soon as he read his boyfriend's increasingly frantic texts. Newt had ignored Alby and Thomas' confusion as he waved a quick goodbye.

_Hey_

_Are you busy?_

_I need to ask you something_

_Text me ASAP_

_Help_

_Fuck. I'm all alone_

_Whyyyy_

_HELP_

_Newt, I love you_

_I need you_

_Remember me..._

Newt sternly lectured his rapidly beating heart that it probably wasn't as dire as its portrayed. But logic didn't stop him from bounding up the steps and ringing Minho's doorbell.

The following crash heard behind the door was not reassuring.

Newt watched doorknob jangle uselessly before the door jerked open. A wailing suddenly echoed through the neighborhood as Minho yanked Newt inside and hugged him.

"You're here!"

Newt pushed his initial relief and Minho away. "Yeah, no shit. Learn how to text. I thought you were dying."

"I am dying," Minho insisted. "Slowly."

Newt glared as he took in the scene behind Minho. Little Asian kids were screeching and swarming around, the oldest being no more than around ten. One girl was currently yanking another girl's hair. The high-pitching wailing from before returned.

"You called me here to help me babysit your cousins?" Newt asked slowly.

Minho smiled hesitantly. "I thought I made that clear?"

Newt whipped around. "How the fu—"

Minho grabbed a sprinting little boy with unruly, spiky hair and held him tightly despite loud protests.

That little shit. Newt's eyes narrowed as he forced himself to continue in a calmer tone. "You never mentioned your exact situation in your texts."

Minho shifted his squirming cousin his other hip. "Oh dear, I didn't. Well now that you're here..."

"You're despicable." Newt rolled his eyes. "I might've said yes if you told me you somehow got stuck watching all your little cousins without help."

"You didn't seem very keen on coming to my house over the holidays."

"You didn't seem very keen on me meeting your homophobic grandmother and strict aunts and uncles," Newt snapped. Memories of last Christmas when Minho climbed through Newt's window, tears streaming down his face was still a fresh memory. Minho stayed with Newt for the next four days, with Newt's mum's complete approval. And his usually pleasant mother had to be talked down from rushing to the Lee's house with self-righteous fury mixed with motherly protectiveness—a lethal combination. Newt got along with most people, but he absolutely loathed Minho's distant relatives. "Don't make it sound like I didn't want to meet your family. You _know _that's not true. Your parents love me."

"And sister," Minho added, a distant look on his face.

"Of course," Newt agreed, quietly reaching out towards Minho. "Your family has fantastic taste."

Minho gnawed his lip, putting down his cousin, who instantly chased after some girl with pigtails. Minho leaned against Newt and closed his eyes. "I didn't mean to make you sound like a terrible person. I just haven't seen you in a while," Minho muttered quietly. "I miss you."

Newt softened, tightening his grip around Minho. Newt pressed a gentle kiss on Minho's cheek, before taking a step back—not too far mind. They were still clinging tightly to each other's hands. Minho glanced up with him under his lashes, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"I miss you too," Newt said, smiling at Minho's instant beam. "Even if there's a chance your relatives will think your cousins will catch the gays."

Minho rolled his eyes. "I'm sure we'll get them over it. They're very cautious with me this Christmas. Remember I told you that some of them were beginning to treat me—"

"Like a normal human being?" Newt interrupted. "Shocking discovery on their part."

Minho swallowed his reply as a little girl padded over to gawk at Newt. Newt frowned at his now smirking boyfriend and then turned back to the girl. He offered her a half-smile. "Um..hi."

The little girl blinked her wide eyes. "What are the gays? Are we gonna die if we catch it?"

Of course that's when one of Minho's little cousins would actually tune into what he was saying. Newt groaned while Minho laughed. Asshole. Newt's glare eventually made Minho stifle his laughter.

"Being gay is when a girl likes a girl or a guy likes a guy," Minho said, with a mostly straight face. Bloody wanker. "Susie, this is my boyfriend Newt."

Susie giggled as Newt crossed his eyes under her sudden, intense scrutiny. "He's weird. Are all boyfriends weird?"

"Eh," Minho shrugged. "Probably."

Something shattered in the kitchen. The silence of guilty children filled the air.

"I suppose we should check on that," Minho said, leading Newt towards the kitchen.

"No I'm sure they'll be fine," Newt said dryly. "Maybe one will fight for dominance and be their new leader."

"Maybe I shouldn't have enlisted your help in babysitting duties..."

"You only have yourself to blame," Newt said as they turned the corner. He smirked as Minho's face suddenly turned stern as he faced the four kids in the kitchen. Susie grasped Minho's leg as she peered at the broken fish tank in awe. Six fish flopped on the kitchen floor, their wet smacks making the kids' faces—the pigtail girl, specifically—fall guiltily.

"What happened?" Minho asked, staring at each of the kids individually. All looked away except for one boy. "Rin?"

"It just fell over," the defiant boy said, a condemning, wet stain on his Iron Man shirt.

Minho raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Newt schooled his face to a disapproving frown as he quietly grabbed a broom out of the Lee's closet.

"It just fell over?" Minho repeated. Rin's confidence slowly drained the longer Minho stared down at him.

"Uh...yes?" the seven-year-old said.

"Really? You don't seem very sure."

"Um..."

"Just to remind you, you're a guest in my parent's house. I know your parents aren't here but that doesn't mean you can run around the house and break things," Minho scolded. "You need to act responsibly. Respect other people's property. That fish tank does not belong to you. And now it's broken. Would you like it if someone broke your things?"

The kids shook their heads mutedly. The spiky-haired boy's lip quivered.

"So I'm going to ask you again," Minho said. "What happened?"

"Rin did it!" the pigtails girl yelled, pointing at the now betrayed Rin. "We were throwing balls at each other and his hit the fish tank!"

"You threw a ball at me first!" Rin retorted.

"Only because Saura tripped me!" pigtail girl said.

"I did not!" the girl with glasses screeched.

The clamoring mass of children reverberated through the kitchen. Newt and Minho glanced at each other.

"You lecture them in the living room and I'll clean up the mess?" Newt suggested. Minho nodded and quickly ushered his cousins into the living room, his disappointed frown quieting his bickering cousins.

Newt let out a sigh as he opened a cabinet and filled a large bowl with tap water. Good thing all the Lee's saltwater fish were in the office. Minho's mom loved fish, which Newt accepted since she was a marine biologist.

"Are you and Minho going to get married?" Susie asked, poking a fish.

"Get away from the glass," Newt snapped. Susie jumped back, looking at Newt with big eyes. A wave of guilt coursed through him. "We don't want you to cut yourself."

"But you get to touch it," Susie pouted after she moved to the other side of the kitchen.

"I'm older," Newt said. "You can do more things when you're my age."

Susie stared at him suspiciously. "How old are you?"

"18," Newt said, gently scooping up each fish and placing it into the bowl.

"Whoa," Susie gasped. "That's so old."

"Yep," Newt agreed gravely, "I'm retiring next year."

"Daddy isn't retired," Susie said, sitting on the floor to watch Newt pick up the larger fish tank pieces and putting them in a plastic bag.

"Your dad must be around your age," Newt said decisively, hiding a grin at Susie's perplexed expression.

"No, he's not."

"Really? I could've sworn you're at least 36."

Susie giggled. "No I'm 6!"

Newt gasped. "_No._"

"Yes!"

"And you said I was old," Newt teased as he grabbed the broom.

"You are old," Susie said decisively. "I'm not old. People ask me what I want to be when I grow up."

"What do you say?"

"I want to fly dragons," Susie said matter-of-factly.

Newt hummed in approval. "Why?"

"Because of the blonde lady."

Alright then. "But do you want to know why people ask you what you want to be when you grow up?"

Susie nodded eagerly.

"They want you to feel young. They don't want to acknowledge your old age. It's rude."

Susie's hazel eyes were gigantic. "Whoa."

"I'm glad you understand," Newt said. "You must have learned a lot in your long life."

Susie's face suddenly grew serious. "You can't eat cookies before bedtime...unless you're at grandma's house."

Newt forced back the instinctive wave of disdain at the mention of Minho's grandma. "Oh my."

Susie nodded gravely. "But I hide cookies under my pillow and blame my brother whenever Mommy thinks I stole cookies."

"Which one is your brother?" Newt asked, pouring the glass-filled dustpan into the garbage and examining the clean floor.

"Ben."

"Does he have spiky hair?" Newt asked. Susie stared at him blankly. "Like a porcupine?"

Susie dissolved into giggles. "Ben is a porcu—porchi—porky! Porky! Porky!"

"Why are you teaching my cousin insults?" Minho tsked, leaning against the kitchen counter. "You're a bad influence."

Newt shrugged disarmingly. "How did disciplining the hellions go?"

"Fine," Minho said, pushing himself off the counter, "three of them cried. I put them on a short timeout. Mostly because I know their parents will punish them later. So now they're all playing semi-nicely in the living room."

"Want to join them, Susie?" Newt asked.

She made grabby hands. "Carry me."

"But you're six," Newt reminded. "You're ancient."

"Carry me," Susie repeated. "Because I said so."

"Listen to your elders," Minho scolded Newt, his eyes crinkling.

"Right away, your Majesty," Newt said, bowing slightly at the beaming Susie.

"Can we keep him?" Susie squealed as Newt heaved her and acted like he was going to chuck her into the living room.

"I plan to," Minho replied quietly.

Newt flushed unwillingly as he dropped Susie on the couch. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to hear that.

"Minho," Rin called loudly, "why is he red?"

"Who?" Minho asked, tugging Newt down to the floor.

Rin pointed at Newt.

"He was probably just really thankful to have me in his life," Minho winked, throwing an arm around Newt.

Newt rolled his eyes. "More like embarrassed to be associated with you."

"Who was it that befriended me first?"

"Alby," Newt mumbled. "He dragged me along. I probably thought you were a freak."

Minho scoffed. "Sure Mr. Social Butterfly decided to be picky."

"Anyone is a social butterfly compared to you," Newt drawled.

"I asked you out first," Minho countered. "So clearly you're happy I entered your life."

Newt cocked his head to the side, staring at Minho in astonishment. "You can't be serious."

"What?" Minho frowned.

"You didn't ask me out."

"Yeah I did," Minho protested.

"Really?" Newt said, straightening to peer down at Minho's slouching form. "What was our first date?"

"We were at a track meet in Colorado," Minho answered instantly, but when Newt's face remained victorious, Minho felt his confidence wane. "We shared a hotel room and got locked out so we went to the mall for the day to dick around while we waited for the coach to bring us a key. And one thing led to another and we talked and kissed and held hands and shared a milkshake because we're lame and it was gre—wait did either of us ask the other out?"

Newt froze. "I thought I asked you out to the mall."

"You might've but that wasn't a date at first," Minho said.

"What about our first official legit date?" Newt questioned.

"We both decided that going to eat at Olive Garden and then walking through the park was a good choice," Minho said. "It was very mutual."

"Huh..."

"Yeah," Minho agreed. "Did we ever even announce our relationship to our friends?"

Newt paused, his mouth gaping open. "We...we must've. Right?"

"I don't think we did," Minho said, "but apparently they were very much not surprised."

Newt hummed, frowning. "I know I told my mum."

"When?" Minho asked. Newt knew that Minho just told his parents the summer before the fateful family Christmas that ended with tears. His parents reacted a lot better than everyone anticipated. Minho's sister, Trang, had been on standby, ready to act as mediator or defender/protector of Minho. Trang knew about Minho's sexuality months before when she walked in on Newt and Minho making out on the couch. Trang's lack of surprise was both a relief and kind of annoying—Newt and Minho were _not _that obvious.

"Um...our third date? Maybe?" Newt said.

"You waited so long? Rude," Minho said in mock-offence.

Newt rolled his eyes. "You know how much my mum adores you. I didn't want to tell her about us until I knew we weren't going to instantly fizzle out."

"Also because I kept leaving noticeable hickeys on you," Minho added.

"Yeah also the hic—" Newt froze and turned to whack his chuckling boyfriend. "I knew you were bloody doing that on purpose! You bloody f—"

"Children," Minho coughed.

Newt's eyes narrowed. "You bloody _shuckface_."

"What?" Minho shrugged innocently. "I thought it was funny."

"I knew those weren't on accident," Newt muttered. "You wanted to bloody mark your territory, you bloody caveman."

"It's cute how you say that like you're not equally as possessive."

"Yes, we're both jealous people," Newt said. "We deserve each other."

Minho shifted so they were both pressed firmly against each other. Newt snuggled into Minho. "I don't mind," Minho breathed, nuzzling Newt.

Newt let a stupid grin cross his face because Minho was a secret romantic dork and made him stupid. Newt was coming to terms with it.

"So why was he red?" Rin repeated. Newt and Minho turned to stare at the clearly impatient seven-year-old in front of them.

"He's part tomato," Minho answered.

Rin shrugged and went back to his plastic horse.

"And what are you two whispering about?" Minho asked, glancing at Pigtails and Glasses. Glasses' name was Saura...probably. Saura immediately blushed but Pigtails turned to Newt determinedly. Newt felt vaguely anxious.

"Are you Harry Potter?" Pigtails asked.

Minho snorted, nudging Newt. "Babe?"

"Unfortunately not," Newt lamented. "I'm in Slytherin and would rather not discuss the blood traitor."

Saura gasped. "But Slytherin is evil."

"Just ambitious," Newt corrected.

"You're not really the stomp-on-all-competition-to-get-what-you-want ambitious though," Minho mused. "Maybe Ravenclaw? Or Hufflepuff. You are quite loyal."

Newt hummed. "Well you'd be Gryffindor. No competition."

"I'd be in Ravenclaw," Susie said decisively. "Because I'm smart."

"I'm Gryffindor like Harry!" Rin said, jumping up and waving his horse like a wand.

Saura, Ben, Susie, and Pigtails all scrambled for the nearest toy and started shouting spells at each other, their screams blending into a dull roar.

Newt smirked as Susie collapsed when Ben's spell "hit" her. Her Barbie-turned-wand rolled away from her now limp hand. "I know what the Lees do for fun."

"Harry Potter is a national treasure and should be cherished," Minho said seriously.

"Harry Potter is originally British. I have more claim to it than you do."

"Harry Potter is a universal treasure and should be cherished," Minho amended.

"Cheers to that."

A slamming door jerked Newt and Minho's attention away from the screaming mass around them. Newt quickly moved to the couch and away from Minho's arm as some of Minho's relatives turned the corner. He bit his lip as he caught Minho's plaintive expression.

"Glad to see everyone having fun," one of the men said as a group of elderly Asians rounded the corner. Newt did not spy any potential-grandparents in the group. The kids quieted momentarily before all clambering up to their parents and show them their 'wands.'

"Oh, Newt, lovely to see you," Minho's mom greeted.

"Thought I'd keep him in line," Newt said cheekily. Minho rolled his eyes.

"Glad someone is able to," Minho's mom answered.

"Hey!" Minho interjected. Newt smirked at his boyfriend before catching one of Minho's relative's frown. Newt's gaze shifted to the ground immediately.

"I think we'll keep Newt around," Minho's dad said, nudging Minho. Newt smiled softly at Minho's pleased and offended expression. "And where are the rest of your older cousins who promised to help watch the kids?"

"They went somewhere with Trang," Minho said. "Suddenly they were all just gone. I'm not actually sure what happened."

"This is why you should contribute to the outside world more vocally," Newt reprimanded cheerfully. "Then you'll actually know when you're about to be duped."

"Who's your friend, Minho?" one of Minho's aunts asked after properly ooh-ing and ahh-ing over Susie's story.

"That's Newt," Susie answered loudly. "We're going to catch the gays from him."

An awkward silence fell over the room as Newt raised a horrified hand to his face and Minho clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from busting out laughing.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave," Newt said. He turned towards Minho's parents. "Bob, Ushi, always a pleasure."

"Drive safe, dear," Ushi said.

Newt nodded as he quickly shoved his feet into his worn sneakers. He was thrusting his arm through his coat when he felt an unexpected presence next to him. Newt turned and blinked at Minho's sudden proximity. His gaze unwillingly shifted to the gawking-but-trying-not-to-stare-noticeably adults.

"Hey," Minho said softly, catching Newt's attention, "thanks for coming."

"Thanks for the non-cryptic texts," Newt said dryly, trying to focus solely on Minho's face. His boyfriend kept twitching nervously. He was all too aware of his relatives behind him. Newt knew some of them disapproved of Minho's sexuality. But he didn't know which ones.

Minho snorted, rolling his eyes fondly at Newt's automatic sarcasm. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah," Newt smiled, "you know Mum worries if she doesn't see you at least once a week."

"I'll be sure to pop by then," Minho said. Newt nodded, prepared to turn the doorknob and leave. But then Minho leaned forward. Newt blinked but was quick to meet Minho for a chaste kiss on the lips. It was quick but left Newt's heart racing. The sudden hush in the living room informed them that the adults saw what happened. Newt determinedly focused on Minho's satisfied grin and wide eyes. A warm feeling trickled through Newt. Minho was the bravest bloody person he knew.

He beamed at Minho, squeezing their hands together briefly before letting go. "See you later, darling. So glad I came over today."

Minho's grinning face stuck with him the entire car ride home.


End file.
